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Welcome to OneLife Ministries. This site is designed to lead you prayerfully into a heart experience of Divine Presence, Who is Love. While it focuses on Christian teaching, the writer hopes persons of other faiths find inspiration here. Indeed, "God" can be whatever image helps you trust in the Sacred, by whatever means Grace touches you. Please share this ministry with others, and I hope you return soon. There is a new offering daily.
Blessings,
Rev Dr Brian K Wilcox, MDiv, MFT, PhD
Ecumenical Pastor-Teacher, Author, Workshop Leader,
Spiritual Counselor, Chaplain
LISTENING TO THE SCRIPTURES
6 Pleasant places were measured out for me; fair to me indeed is my inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who counsels me; even at night my heart exhorts me. 8 I keep the LORD always before me; with the Lord at my right, I shall never be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, my soul rejoices; my body also dwells secure [or, restfully], 10 For you will not abandon me to Sheol, nor let your faithful servant see the pit.
11 You will show me the path to life, abounding joy in your presence, the delights at your right hand forever [lit. on-and-on].
*Psalm 16.6-11 (NAB)
RECEIVING SACRED TEACHING
The Psalm encourages us with the words "my heart is glad," "my soul rejoices," "my body ... dwells secure [or, restfully]." We do know these realities of joyfulness and calm. But what about those times of saddness and unrest? Is something wrong with us spiritually in those times?
And before I go on, I admit what I am writing may not fully apply always. I mean, when we talk about severe neurosis or psychosis, we are into issues needing therapy and medication.
* * *
Acedia, which I will render usually as "restlessness, unrest" - maybe for that is what I felt the day of this writing - has varied faces; varied words speak of this common emotion among the religiously devout - indifference, laziness, depression, saddness, despair, cynicism, dejection, torpor, weariness of soul, ... Did you ever dream that such an emotion would be common among persons in the spiritual life?
"So, Brian," you may ask, "do you mean being a spiritual person does not mean I'm going to be on par emotionally?" No, not if you mean by "on par" that you are always going to be emotionally well-adjusted according to popular, psychological standards.
[T]he monastic view [is] that the opposite of acedia is energetic devotion. When I am at my worst, mired in torpor and despair, simply recalling this can give me hope.
*Kathleen Norris. Acedia & Me.
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We are emotional beings. We have restfulness, to be followed by restlessness. In restless moments we may feel an urge to move about quickly - as though to push away the unease , to worry about the least little thing, to wonder what is wrong -, to get afraid that life, in some vague sense, is against us - like an unseen conspiracy of fate.
With restlessness, we may feel overly vulnerable and sensitive, reactive, lonely - even if surrounded by persons. Yesterday, we may have felt calm, been whistling and singing, now, not so. Yesterday, we may have enjoyed a blissful meditation in calm and quiet, today, our mind and heart may be churning so much we cannot seem to settle down in peace.
Does God know our struggles in times of unrest? Yes. And having restlessness is part of having the human capacity to feel. Yet, this is not the emotional state we are to remain in, to live in habitually.
Even the strongest emotionally and most mature spiritually among us can have a day or days of feeling overwhelmed with life. We each know what this feels like. But is it God's Will for us to live overwhelmed?
So, unrest can signify something is wrong spiritually. We need to discern when unrest inwardly is a sign of a spiritual issue that needs correcting, or a natural emotional-spiritual state.
What can we do about restlessness as a natural experience for us? I offer insight in this writing, not a solution to all restlessness. I offer knowing spiritually devout persons can have psychological issues in need of counseling, and possibly medication.
* * *
I know about living both a devout life and with psychological challenges. The emotional challenges go back into childhood, as far as I recall. They were not addressed and, so, after going underground for years, arose in panic and agoraphobia in my 30s.
I know what it is like to live in prayer and, at the same time, to live with a bottle of meds with me always, in case I need it. I know what it is like to have a good morning prayer time, and by afternoon, be undergoing a panic attack in the grocery store. I know these things, and I know they do not imply I - or anyone - is unspiritual, demon possessed, weak, or sinful.
So, let me say, for you who struggle emotionally also, I do not plan on being as strong and healthy emotionally as many persons are. And I do not have to be, nor do you. I do plan on using my emotional life in a way, however, to grow to be a more whole and caring being. I, also, know God gives grace to help me do things that keep me from a habitual state of what early desert monks called acedia.
* * *
What is a spiritual way to see restlessness - from this point I speak of this unrest as a normal state, not restlessness due to an issue of sin that has broken our fellowship with God? The early desert monks spoke of acedia.
Evagrius called acedia the "noonday demon" - monks could feel the acedia about noonday, after getting up early, and, now, enduring the midday heat. See yourself, up at 4AM, now in the desert heat with the sun beating down on you at 12 noon.
Acedia has been defined in varied ways. Acedia can mean things like depression, saddness, restlessness, sloth, ... See, this laziness is not pure laziness, this arises from the feeling of acedia. For example, in depression, there is not the outgoing energy often to do the most simple of tasks. Not everyone you might think is slothful is simply lazy.
Acedia was seen as a temptation for monks. Acedia arose with feelings like we might have when at unrest: "I was better off before I made this commitment, so possibly I need to give up and return to my former life..."; "My efforts are worthless, maybe I need just to quit ..."; "The price I am paying to serve God in this way is really too much for me, I don't think I can keep doing this ..."; "My prayer time is arid, I feel I'll never enjoy prayer again...," "God has abandoned me..."; "Other persons don't appreciate what I do, they really don't care...".
You could affirm, "Surely, these are not thoughts for a person serving Christ and others, who prays and meditates, is filled with the Holy Spirit, has faith in the goodness of God, ..." Let us forget "proper" or "improper" thoughts and feelings for a time. These are thoughts and feelings common in the spiritual life.
* * *
I went to a prayer meeting. As I got out of my truck, a lady met me. She said, "How are you doing today?" I took it that she wanted to know honestly what I was feeling like. I said, "Okay," with a smile She looked at me and said, with her smile, "Is that all?" What I thought, but did not say, was, "Is okay not enough?"
I share that to say, being spiritual is not about putting on a daily happy smile, a mask of everything-is-ha-okay-praise-God. My being "Okay" was okay. That was enough. And some days you and I do not feel okay - that is okay, too.
What we do not want is this fakish "spiritual" life, where we try to ride cloud nine all the time - claiming that is surely our right and shows we are Spirit-filled. We do not want to equate feeling happy with being spiritual. Read the Psalms; that can tell us that we can be devout and struggle at times with being totally miserable in feeling.
I share, however, an "odd" experience but possible for persons who have done contemplation for a while. You can know a state of Be-ing underneath unrest, a state that is rest. You can surrender into the unrest, and sink into a union with Rest. Yet, that matter would be for a writing more on prayerful contemplation. So, we continue...
* * *
Okay, away from my discursive thoughts, and to a story, with a few concluding comments.
A poem, later put to music and to become a famous hymn, appeared in the The New York Observer, September 13, 1845. A Rev. Thomas Salmon, recently migrated to America from Britain, had an accompanying explanatory note.
Salmon told of a blind preacher of "obscure birth and connections" and with "no education,'" in Coleshill, England. The man Salmon named W. W. Walford. Salmon noted the following:
On one occasion, paying him a visit, he repeated two or three pieces he had composed, and having no friend at home to commit them to paper, he had laid them up in the storehouse within. "How will this do?" asked he, as he repeated the following lines.... I rapidly copied the lines with my pencil as he uttered them, and sent them for insertion in the Observer.
No one has found any trace of a W. W. Walford in Coleshill, England. William Walford, a minister, did live in England. And he wrote a book about prayer, with striking likenesses to the song we share today. Some think he is the author. But he was neither blind nor uneducated. The author of this hymn remains unknown.
* * *
The song the mysterious W. W. Walford penned, is one of my favorites from childhood. The hymn is "Sweet Hour of Prayer."
Frequently, in the years, my mind has returned to this poem.
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father’s throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief,
And oft escaped the tempter's snare,
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
The joys I feel, the bliss I share,
Of those whose anxious spirits burn
With strong desires for thy return!
With such I hasten to the place
Where God my Savior shows His face,
And gladly take my station there,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
Thy wings shall my petition bear
To Him whose truth and faithfulness
Engage the waiting soul to bless.
And since He bids me seek His face,
Believe His Word and trust His grace,
I'll cast on Him my every care,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
May I thy consolation share,
Till, from Mount Pisgah’s lofty height,
I view my home and take my flight.
This robe of flesh I'll drop, and rise
To seize the everlasting prize,
And shout, while passing through the air,
"Farewell, farewell, sweet hour of prayer!"
Some of the lyrics, like some others in old hymns, may not fit some of our thoughts on theology today. Certainly, you may not believe in a literal shedding of flesh and rising into the air in a rapture - as though floating away like a balloon. Yet, the lyrics witness to a depth of devoutness and trust that we would do well to seek to emulate in our relationship with God.
* * *
When in spiritual unrest, settling down to pray and meditate may be the last thing we want to do. Yet, it might be the thing we most need to do.
If we did more sweet hours of prayer, we might be less susceptible to acedia. We do hours of talking on the phone, watching television, viewing movies, shopping, exercising .... Why, then, not sweet hours of prayer?
Meditative Prayer has a way of settling us, of centering us, of filling us with renewed hope. One antidote to restlessness is prayer, for prayer brings us to our True Home.
Now, not all prayer is restful. I mean, prayer is restful to one who truly knows the Divine. And prayer is restful when it is surrendering to God.
If we take into Prayer our demands, our felt-rights, ... that kind of prayer may not offer us any sense of solace. Yet, our prayer from the Spirit, and our spirit, in humble surrender and love, accepting God's Providence and care, is a way to renew us in faith, hope, and love.
* * *
I offer another "odd" matter, that might seem counter-intuitive. The more spiritually aliged you become, the more sensitive you become and the more likely you will have acedia as a natural-spiritual state.
There are reasons for this. Among these is that more spiritual entails more heartfully open, more attuned - even at levels you will be unaware of. This means you will "pick up" more on the enviroment and persons around you - and, as you know, much of it is not spiritually edifying, or edifying period - and some of it is purely diabolical. Indeed, much of it is ungodly, not godly.
So, if you are going to grow spiritually, I make a suggestion. Increase your time in prayer and devotion - you will need it to help protect you from the over-influence of your surroundings, seen and unseen.
* * *
I offer some suggestions about healthily, spiritually working with acedia.
1) Accept your feelings, neither indulging them nor denying them. Honesty is a must. Guilt feelings will not help. Do not think yourself weak or of little faith because you are in an emotional restlessness.
2) Remember, acedia is a passing state. As trite as this sounds, "This too will pass."
3) Do not give in to the acedia. Engaging friends, thinking positive thoughts, doing little tasks, ... will help.
4) During restlessness, stay faithful to quiet times alone with God, and devotional acts - like listening to uplifting music; doing reading that is positive, encouraging, and inspirational; a meditative walk in a natural setting.
5) Do not forsake your physical exercise. In acedia, we may not feel like exercising - do it anyway.
6) In this, as in all things, surrender to the Love of God. Remind yourself that acedia is part of the gift of your life to God. Give your unrest to God, and let God use it to teach you, humble you, and make you more compassionate to others.
QUIETLY RESPONDING
Do you ever suffer from restlessness, or acedia. How have you found to deal with it in a healthy, spiritual way?
Do you struggle with acedia? What lessons have you learned from it? Have you become a more compassionate person as a result? How has it helped you to care for other persons in their struggles?
Blessings!
Rev Dr Brian K Wilcox
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*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian K. Wilcox, of SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis. Brian is an ecumenical spiritual leader, open to how Christ manifests in the diversity of Christian denominations and varied religious-spiritual traditions. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Punta Gorda, FL.
*Brian welcomes responses to his writings or submission of prayer requests at barukhattah@embarqmail.com .
*Contact the above email to book Brian for Spiritual Direction, retreats, or workshops. You can order his book An Ache for Union at major book dealers.
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